If you’ve ever played peek-a-boo and watched your toddler squeal in delight, you already know young children love a good surprise, even when they know it’s coming. From silly monster games to playful Halloween costumes, toddlers often seek out situations that give them a safe surprise feeling. But why is this? And how can you tell when the surprise might be too scary or stops being fun?
The Why Behind the Surprise
It’s a way to explore emotions. For toddlers, surprise and fear are new and intriguing feelings. Experiencing them in a safe setting, like a game or story with someone they know and trust, helps them learn what fear feels like and how to manage it.
They love predictable surprises. Games like “peek-a-boo” combine suspense with a predictable ending. Toddlers know you’ll pop out or make a silly face, so the fear turns into excitement instead of distress. The relief is the delight.
It builds resilience. Small, controlled surprises teach toddlers that they can handle bigger, more unexpected events. This can help them cope with and manage new situations.
They’re testing their boundaries. Just as toddlers test physical limits by climbing or running, they test emotional limits by toying with surprises (and sometimes the surprises can be a tiny bit scary).
When Fear is No Longer Fun
A little surprise can be healthy, but surprise that leads to fear, or too many surprises with unknown endings can overwhelm a child’s developing nervous system. Watch for these warning signs:
Persistent nightmares or night terrors. Occasional bad dreams are normal, but frequent, intense nightmares often signal anxiety.
Avoiding normal activities. If your child suddenly refuses to enter certain rooms, be around certain people or engage in once-loved activities, it could be a sign they’re overly stressed.
Physical distress. Trembling, rapid heartbeat or stomachaches in anticipation of “scary” play can mean it’s too much for them.
Clinginess or regression. Extreme clinginess, sudden fear of being alone or regressing in behavior (like potty training setbacks) can signify that overwhelming place parents should avoid.
How Parents Can Help Explore Fear Safely
- Keep it age-appropriate. Avoid overly graphic images or intense surprises like scary monsters or images. At this age, kids have a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality, so try to keep play or scary themes strictly imaginary (no real-life scenarios). Here are some examples of safe “scary” play:
- Playing peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek, as long as the emotional intensity is moderated.
- Reading slightly spooky, but silly, picture books without going over the top.
- Enjoying gentle Halloween fun, like pumpkin carving or toddler-friendly costumes.
- Keep open communication. Explain what’s real and pretend. Reassurance helps toddlers feel safe and in control.
- Read their signals: If your child looks genuinely distressed, stop the game, comfort them and return to a reliably safe activity.
- Create safe endings: Always end “scary” play with laughter, hugs or a positive outcome. If you’re telling a scary story, make sure the characters have a fun or silly ending, rather than a sad or detrimental one.
Toddlers enjoy surprises for the same reason they love spinning in circles or sliding down a slide; it’s a thrill with a safety net. By understanding the difference between healthy fear exploration and overwhelming fright, you can foster emotional growth while keeping your child’s world safe and fun!
