How to Let Your Child Lead Holiday Traditions
Does the idea of letting your child lead a holiday tradition make you cringe a little? That’s okay. Let go of the Pinterest-level expectations because child-led holiday fun isn’t meant to be picture perfect. Imperfection matters because it’s how kids learn! Listening to “Let It Go” on repeat from an enthusiastic toddler DJ or cleaning sand from carpets after making rangoli is a lesson. When young children get a real say in how the family celebrates, the holidays tend to feel more meaningful for everyone.
To let your child lead a holiday tradition, give them one real, manageable choice inside something your family already does, like picking the story, the song or where decorations go. Offer two or three options, prepare ahead then step back and let them decide.
That idea is at the heart of a recent Parents feature with insight from Dr. Lauren Loquasto, senior vice president and chief academic officer at The Goddard School®. Below, you'll find ways to help your toddler or preschooler lead part of your family's traditions with ideas on how to start, what to say and how to recover when plans inevitably go sideways.
What Does It Mean to Let a Child Lead a Holiday Tradition?
Letting your child lead doesn't mean handing over the whole celebration. It means giving them a real say in one part of a family activity, like choosing the book, picking the songs or deciding where an ornament goes. A small choice is enough to help children feel heard, build confidence and feel like they matter. A tradition can connect to a religious or cultural celebration, a seasonal change or a family gathering. What matters most when letting children plan part of the celebration is meaningful, recurring participation.
How Do You Let Your Child Lead Holiday Traditions?
- Begin with a tradition you already have. Hand over a piece of it, such as the holiday story, the playlist or the table decorations.
- Offer two or three choices. "Would you like to pick our story, our song or our table decoration?" is easier for a young child than "What should we do for the holidays?"
- Prepare ahead, then step back. Gather anything you think you’ll need in advance so your child can make the decisions.
How Can Kids of All Ages Lead Holiday Traditions?
Giving children the chance to make meaningful decisions can start as early as 18 months.
Age | How They Can Lead | Example |
Toddlers (18 months to three years) | Make simple choices and keep options limited to two | Pick a holiday book, ornaments, songs, etc. |
Preschoolers (three to four years) | Choose a simple job and let them do it | Decorate a portion of the house or make place cards for the family meal |
Pre-K and Kindergarten (five to six years) | Make a simple plan and follow it | Create a plan for festive activities like looking at neighborhood lights. They could create a map and choose whether they want to walk or drive (and choose the holiday tunes!). |
Every child is different. Let your child's comfort level set the pace.
What Can I Do to Support My Child
Questions work better than directions. Instead of "do it this way," try:
- "What’s your plan?"
- "What do you think will happen?"
- "Tell me more about that."
- "I wonder if there’s another way to do that?"
- "What would you change next time?"
These open-ended questions invite children to think, explain and problem-solve (oh, hey, that’s the same spirit of inquiry that drives learning at Goddard!).
Afterward, you could ask, "How did that feel?" or "What would you like to do next time?"
A Few Holiday Traditions You Can Do with Your Kids
- Story basket. Fill a basket with seasonal books and let your child pick tonight's read. (Yes, you may read the same book five nights in a row. That's how a tradition is born. And it’s part of early literacy skills!) Need new titles? Check out our list of children's books about winter holidays.
- Handmade gifts. Let your child choose someone to make a gift for and allow them to decide what the gift is and how they want to deliver it. Use guiding questions or offer choices to help younger children make decisions.
- Memory box. Let your child choose one keepsake after each celebration. Write down why they picked it, in their own words, and open the box again next year.
What if the Holiday Traditions Don’t Go as Planned?
- My child doesn't want to lead. That's okay. Leading should be an invitation and it may take time to learn leadership skills. Let your child watch you make decisions, allow them to join in and then see if they want to handle simple choices.
- The result looks nothing like what I pictured. Teaching moment! It’s frustrating when things don’t go as planned or turn out exactly like we wanted. But this is a fantastic opportunity to model how to handle disappointment and embrace imperfection. (Also, make sure you read Beautiful Oops to see how mistakes can become something new!) As Dr. Loquasto told Parents, "Holiday memories are rarely defined by perfection."
- The day is getting overwhelming. Take a break when needed and do your best to stick to familiar routines. Don’t forget to eat! Hanger makes everything worse (for toddlers and adults).
Bring a Little Wonder Home
Holiday magic isn’t born from perfection. It happens when families spend time together, embrace the mess and stay present in the moment. Letting children lead holiday traditions becomes its own tradition and doesn’t have to be complicated. Start with a tradition your family already enjoys, then give your child one real, manageable way to shape it. Their contribution may become the part everyone looks forward to most.